


Another Sexuality Confused Fic

by obsessivechild



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, confused, sexually confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 10:52:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8530246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivechild/pseuds/obsessivechild
Summary: A lot of staring. A lot of awkwardness. A lot of confusing moments. Includes noodles and beer.





	

**Author's Note:**

> because i have a fascination with sexually confused frank and awkward, adolescent gerard. set in britain so british slang will be used. set in hereford - hereford sixth form and hereford art college (i go to the art college hmu). fun fact: i was drunk when i wrote part of this. the more you know.

The bottom of his jeans were dragging on the floor and it shouldn't have annoyed Frank so much but it did. They were torn and frayed from where the guy had been accidentally walking on them and soggy from the wet pavement. Frank couldn't stop staring at them as he walked behind the guy, wondering how on fucking Earth it didn't annoy him too.

Ray was speaking and the sound was vaguely registered in Frank's left ear but his focus was far from it. He didn't understand how someone could wear jeans that were too big for them and just let the bottoms get all gross and ripped and basically let them fall apart.

Frank looked up to the rest of the guy to see if the scruffiness was a running theme and apparently it was.

He was wearing a black hoodie with his hood up to match his jeans but the shades were slightly different. The jeans were more faded. He had a messenger bag over his right shoulder and his right hand curled around the strap. As he walked, he was hunched over and his posture was terrible. Not that Frank's was much better but this guy must get some serious neck ache.

He suddenly stopped and Frank did too and realised they were at the crossing. Ray had asked him a question.

"What?"

Ray sighed and rolled his eyes as Frank finally looked at him. "Were you even listening?"

"No." Frank smirked, keeping honest.

Of course, Ray sighed again. "Why are we even friends? You zone out on me so much. Am I that boring?"

"Aw I'm sorry, Toro." Frank nudged him slightly with his shoulder, "I love you really."

Ray narrowed his eyes. The green man flashed up. They started walking again.

"I _said_ : are you going to Mikey's next weekend?"

"Duh." Frank turned his stare back onto the scruffy guy. He almost looked like the human embodiment of generic teenager. He probably didn't shower much either.

"Sick. You gonna get booze?"

Fuck yeah, alcohol. "My mum'll buy me some beer." It was a stupid stereotype but alcohol was a common theme at parties this year, now they had left high school.

The guy was turning right. Why was the guy turning right?

Frank looked up to the building he was going towards. The art college. There were students with brightly coloured hair and interesting outfits going in as well.

Frank had often wondered if he should have gone to the art college to do music instead of shitty A Levels at the sixth form. Probably should have.

They continued down the road towards their building and Frank managed one look back before the guy was out of sight. He had black hair falling down his face. Of course he had some form of bangs.

"Mikey said it'll only be a few of us. Shame we don't know any girls at college yet."

Frank watched his own feet as he walked, not sure what else to look at. "Yeah, I guess." The thought wasn't as exciting to him as it was to Ray.

"Well, Mikey knows lots of girls. His mum won't let him have any over though."

"Why?" Frank looked up again. Since when did Ray know so much about Mikey anyway?

They we reaching the doors to the sixth form. Frank had Psychology first.

"Don't know. She said she didn't want anything to happen." Ray sniggered slightly at the thought but the pink colour beginning to form on his cheeks told a different story.

"When did Mikey tell you that?"

They walked down the corridor, towards the canteen where they usually sat in the mornings.

"Yesterday." Ray shrugged, "During Music."

Frank didn't remember them talking about it and he had been in the same lesson. "Oh."

"His mum was supposed to be going out but she's not now which is why no girls are allowed. Well." Ray reworded himself, "They weren't allowed anyway but we can't get away with it now."

Frank still wasn't bothered about the whole girl thing. Girls weren't a different species. They were supposed to be in sixth form; this was high school shit.

"And Mikey says his brother will be in anyway. He's in the year above."

More news Frank wasn't affected by. "Okay."

They had reached the canteen and Mikey was already sat in their corner with a couple of other guys. Frank wasn't too sure how they had come to know these guys. It was the fourth week of term and by the second, Ray had come to lunch with Mikey in tow and introduced them.

Frank hadn't formed an opinion on Mikey yet. He seemed like a nice dude but he didn't say much. When he did, it was usually sarcastic or something about music. Ray talked to him a lot and Mikey seemed to actually listen to him compared to Frank.

Frank loved Ray, sure, but he did like to go on sometimes. They had known each other since high school, becoming friends on the second day and sticking by each other since. And now, they were going to sixth form together. They lived five minutes from each other.

"Mikey lives here in Hereford, right?" Frank asked as they drew near the table.

"Yup." Was the last thing Ray said to Frank before grinning at the guys, "Morning."

Mikey was chewing gum and looked up, his mouth opening and closing slightly. "Hey."

Since the host was right in front of him, Frank went straight in with, "About your thing next Saturday, we can stay over right?"

Mikey nodded, "We'll be drinking, so yeah."

Frank still kept his mum bringing him home as an option though. He wasn't a fan of sleeping over at other people's houses, especially when he wasn't good friends with them yet. Although, he probably would stay if he was drunk which he would be. That premonition had been made when Mikey had invited him last week.

"We're in the lounge because my room's small. My brother'll be in the basement all night but he might come up a couple times for food and shit." Mikey shrugged, turning back to the others.

Ray joined their conversation and sat next to him, leaving Frank standing at the head of the table. It was almost nine anyway.

~

It was that guy again. The same one from Monday.

Frank squinted to make him out. It definitely looked like the same figure: slouched over, looking at his feet with his fucking hood up and messenger bag on. Yeah, it was him. What was he doing in the sixth form smoking area?

He got more defined as Frank walked closer, Ray at his arm.

You couldn't make his face out because he was looking down but his fucking hair was in the way anyway. Frank wasn't sure if he was wearing the same pair of jeans but either way, they were ruined at the bottom again. All his jeans were probably like that.

Ray stopped at their usual spot which was about ten feet away from the guy. Frank just very obviously stared at him as his counterpart lit up.

"Frank?" Ray caught his attention again, "What're you staring at?"

Frank immediately dropped his gaze to his pockets to pull out his pack and lighter. "Nothing."

Before Ray could question him further, Mikey appeared next to them. "See ya later, Bitches."

"Fuck, I forgot you have a half day today. Unfair." Ray pouted into his fag.

By then, Frank had finally lit up and was watching them both, trying not to turn around and examine the guy behind him. Why was he so fascinating anyway?

"You don't have to be in until one tomorrow so you can fuck off." Mikey smirked, glancing behind them and nodding before looking back to the pair.

Frank frowned and was about to turn when Mikey said, "And I get a lift home. Perks of older brothers with driving licenses."

"And we're stuck with the shitty train." Ray replied with a grimace.

Mikey just shrugged with a grin, popping a piece of gum into his mouth. "Catch you guys later."

"Later." Ray nodded and Frank added, "See you."

Mikey did a sort of half wave thing and passed them. Frank made a passing glance to see the other guy from before had disappeared. Whatever.

"What's got you so down lately?" Ray nudged him, pulling him back to Earth yet a-fucking-gen.

"I'm not down." Frank took a drag, watching the smoke float off to the right, "Just tired or some shit, I don't know."

He wasn't _down_ he was just frustrated and confused; even more than usual.

"You can talk to me, you know?" Ray had his sympathetic voice on and Frank felt like rolling his eyes. He didn't mean for it to be patronising but it sure as hell came off that way.

"Yeah, I know. I'm fine." How motherfucking cliche.

"Right." Ray didn't buy it but he didn't provoke further. Frank was perfectly fine with that.

They finished their smokes and headed back in to eat lunch. The rest of the day was boring but that was the same with any form of education, in Frank's opinion.

His mum bought him alcohol that weekend ready for Mikey's. Frank still wasn't feeling that excited but he supposed that had passed when he was ten or something. Parties or party-esque situations had never really been his thing.

The whole of the next week was just a waiting game. It was all the others could talk about and Frank joined in with the jokes about sneaking girls in but he still wasn't bothered. He didn't talk to or make any contact with girls at college and high school had been the same. He often wondered if that made him weird. The guys were often talking about what girls they had seen in town or comparing ones in their classes.

It wasn't that Frank had _never_ shown any interest in girls. He had been in a _'primary_ _school_ _relationship'_ when he was eleven but that had literally lasted a week and the girl had always run away from him, so that had put him off a bit.

High school was supposed to have been the time he had _'discovered'_ girls or whatever but that still hadn't happened. He supposed that one day, he would see a girl and suddenly have the overwhelming want to have sex with her. That was how it worked, right? He was still waiting.

Here he was at almost seventeen, never having kissed anyone or been in a real relationship. It didn't bother him though.

Ray was in the same situation but he often moaned about girls never giving him a second glance and how he was never going to find someone. A bit dramatic, in Frank's opinion.

Still, he said the right things to cheer Ray up. All the _'you_ _don't_ _have_ _to_ _be_ _in_ _a_ _relationship_ _at_ _sixteen'_ and _'I'm_ _sure_ _you'll_ _find_ _someone_ _soon,_ _just_ _be_ _patient'_ crap.

Okay, sure, even Frank felt lonely sometimes but it usually passed after a cigarette break and a zombie movie. He had enough work to get on with from college; he probably didn't have time for a relationship. That was what he was telling himself anyway.

That was fine. The thing that was beginning to worry him - well, not worry him, _confuse_ him - was how he still wasn't feeling attracted to any girl he came across. He could appreciate if someone was attractive but he did that for guys as well so that was different. He was beginning to wonder if he didn't have any sexuality or something.

The prospect of liking guys had gone through his head but he had disregarded it almost at once. It wasn't a thought he was comfortable with so he _obviously_ couldn't be gay.

So, he was stuck. That was what was getting him _down_ , or whatever Ray called it, lately. He could forget about it, sure, but it always came back into his head when he was on the train or just sat in his room at the end of the day.

Who could he talk to about it? Not Ray, that was for sure. Yeah, Ray was his best friend but he wouldn't know what to say. And what if he teased him? That was what the other guys would do. His mum wouldn't be able to help either and his dad probably didn't have any experience when it came to this sort of thing.

Time to repress the fuck out of it. That seemed like the best option.

Just... Ugh... _Fuck_.

Thursday was basically the end of the week because Frank only had one lesson on Fridays. He was walking up the hill for his one o'clock lesson, first of the day, and something happened. He saw that same guy again.

Okay, it wasn't as if he was looking out for him constantly. He just happened to notice him if he was around. That wasn't weird or creepy.

But yeah, he really noticed this time.

As Frank was walking up, he happened to notice him coming down and yeah, Frank somehow forgot how to be cool by just staring at him. Not that he was _trying_ to be cool or anything but yeah.

As the guy got closer, and was literally in front of him, he looked up and his eyes met Frank's and Frank just stared back. He didn't know what else to do. This was the first time he bad seen the guy's face and _fuck_...

They kept the eye contact until they passed each other and Frank immediately turned to look and the other guy actually turned as well. Double _fuck_.

Frank couldn't look for long without falling over so he turned back to face the way he was walking and a strange feeling was coursing through him. What the fuck.

He didn't know what was happening but the feeling didn't leave all day. The fucking fuck??

"Okay, Dude, you're freaking me out now." Ray said on the train home with a nervous look on his face.

"What?" Frank turned down his music to listen to him properly.

Ray hesitated before mumbling, "You've barely spoken all day. Is something up?"

"No." Frank's reply was fast. He didn't want to talk about anything on his mind. Especially not _this_.

Ray didn't buy it again but this time, he questioned further. "Come on, Dude, you've been really quiet lately but even more than usual today."

How to go about this... Right. Frank laughed - it was a fake laugh but a laugh all the same - and said, "Man, I'm just exhausted from the train journeys every day. It's a lot to get used to, you know? I mean, we've only been at college a month."

"Yeah, I guess. But I thought you'd bounce back by now. Is there something you're not telling me?"

To be honest, Frank would've been surprised if Ray _hadn't_ noticed something was up. They had been friends for five years so surely Ray had to know him pretty well? Maybe telling him the truth wasn't a bad thing?

Frank had no idea how to even begin. "I guess, I..." He was suddenly very aware that they were on the train and there were people sat around them. This wasn't the best place for an intimate talk. "Can we talk about this some other time?"

Ray thought for a moment, a worried expression on his face, before nodding, "Yeah, okay. As long as we do talk about it? I wanna help, Man."

Frank smiled slightly, looking down to his phone in his hands, "Thanks. You already have just by asking, really."

Obviously, none of that _did_ actually help. By the time Frank got home, he was thinking about that guy again and how his eyes had met his on the hill and how brown they were. Oh, fuck.

Frank lay back on his bed and stared at the ceiling, stroking his stomach absentmindedly.

Why had the guy held his eye contact? And, even _stranger_ , why had he turned around to look at him again? Although, Frank could be asked the same question. Why the sudden fascination with this random stranger?

Frank frowned. It wasn't like the guy was anything special. Like Frank had originally thought: he was literally the definition of generic teenager. So what the fuck was this?

Overanalysing was _definitely_ going to help so of course, Frank continued. He thought over the guy's physical features but really, there weren't many to analyse. From the few times that Frank had seen him, he seemed to hide in his hoodie.

Maybe that was what intrigued Frank: he was just this figure without a face and now that he had _seen_ his face, Frank had no idea how to react. It had definitely been a surprise at the time.

The guy had quite a pretty face in comparison to his stature and stance. He seemed too antisocial to look like that, if that made sense. His eyes had been questioning but almost worried at the same time. The light brown colour of them were practically hazel and Frank could have looked into them all day.

The rest of his face had been neutral but his teeth had slowly pressed into his bottom lip. _Fuck_.

Frank hadn't realised that he had begun to stroke himself through his jeans but apparently, he was. He stopped himself, registering the semi under his hand and not wanting to come to the inevitable conclusion.

Sitting up a bit more, he slowly took a deep breath in and then let it out again. It was time to face this shit. At least, from the evidence he had so far anyway.

First, he had noticed this guy for some reason and then, he had stared at him each time he saw him. Strange but yeah, true. Next, he finally saw what his face looked like and in doing so, made eye contact that hadn't been too uncomfortable; for him anyway. That had left him with a strange feeling in his chest that had stuck around for the rest of the day

And now, as he thought about it all and how the guy had looked with his almost brooding presence and his teeth digging into his bottom lip, Frank was getting hard - _harder_. Was this...

This was the part he wasn't sure about admitting but he knew he had to.

Was this what it was like to feel physically attracted to someone?

Yes, Frank was a boy and like all boys his age, Frank liked to jerk off quite a bit. What got him going, you may ask? Like anyone else, Frank watched porn but all he really watched was just generic sex. He had never really stopped to think about what part of it turned him on or if maybe it was just _because_ they were having sex. Was it the woman or the man that intrigued him? Or maybe both?

As aforementioned, Frank had completely disregarded being gay as a reason for why he wasn't interested in girls but now he was rethinking. It would make a _hell_ of a lot of sense.

He didn't really want to think about it too much to be perfectly honest. He just wanted to jerk off - ignoring the reason why he was hard in the first place - eat some pasta and then go to sleep. So he did just that.

Friday was a day full of distractions and grouchiness. Frank woke up in a pretty bad mood when the first thought that came to his head was, _'gay'_.

Like, sure, there was nothing _wrong_ with being gay but Frank wanted more evidence before coming to his conclusion. So, he decided that morning that the best thing to do was to track down that guy and test it out himself. Not in a weird way; just in a _'hi_ _can_ _I_ _just_ _stare_ _at_ _you_ _to_ _work_ _something_ _out'_ way. That was normal, right?

Frank's only lesson of the day was at eleven, so he got the half nine train to be at college for about half ten. It was either, get the next train and be late to lesson or get the earlier one and just sit around for half an hour. He always did the second option.

He dragged out the walk up the hill; mainly to kill time but bumping into that guy wouldn't have been a problem either. He didn't see him all day though.

Frank looked out for him on the way back down the hill as well but nope, he didn't spring out of nowhere for the purposes of letting Frank stare at him. Fuck sake.

It looked like Ray was going to attempt to talk to Frank again at one point while they were having a smoke outside before their eleven o'clock lesson together but Mikey appeared before he could say anything and Frank was grateful. He didn't need Ray being all concerned and shit when he was having a bit of a crisis. Sure, it would be nice to have some support but Frank didn't really want to talk about it out loud until he knew himself what was going on.

Before he knew it, he was in his bedroom again, a whole hour away from the college, and he was back to where he had started. He was considering cancelling going to Mikey's the next day but in the end, he decided to go. He had may as well have a night to get shitfaced and forget about it for a little bit. He wasn't worried about spilling anything while drunk; he believed he was quite good at keeping his mouth shut.

The plan was to get the train with Ray in the afternoon and Mikey was going to pick them up from the station. Well, him and his mum. Frank had beer, pyjamas and deodorant in his bag and that was all you needed at this kind of get-together.

Ray talked a lot which meant that he was excited and he didn't shut up while they waited outside the station. All Frank could think about, because it was stuck in his head constantly, was how he was still very fucking confused. Maybe not as much as before but also even more than before at the same time? Before, guys hadn't been thought about but now, they were being thought about a _lot_ and in extensive detail.

"Mikey says they're just pulling in." Ray said after approximately thirty seconds of silence, looking down at his phone, "And it's his brother driving us to his, not his mum."

Right. Okay. "Alright."

Another thirty seconds later, a car drove into the car park and stopped near them. Ray nudged Frank's arm and they walked over to it, Ray going round to get into the over side.

"Hey." Mikey greeted as they climbed into the back seats and shut the doors.

"Hey." Ray repeated and Frank was about to say the same when he froze. _Fuck_.

The car moved off.

Frank stared like a deer in headlights at the driver while Ray and Mikey talked about the upcoming evening. He vaguely registered their talk about beer pong and just _stared_.

The driver - also known as Mikey's brother, apparently - had messy, black hair that went just below his chin and he was wearing a black hoodie. Frank was pretty sure, even though he couldn't see, that the guy was probably wearing jeans with tattered bottoms from where he had walked on them by accident.

Frank was feeling very hot and not in a good way. He could feel himself going red as well. This was so motherfucking _embarrassing_ and _awkward_ , from his perspective. Why was life so fucking unkind to him?

He slid down a little in his seat and turned his gaze onto his lap. How was he supposed to fucking _forget_ about this whole thing when he was staying in the same house as the guy he had been thinking about for the past week or so? And even worse, he had fucking _jerked_ _off_ thinking about him. Fuck.

Mikey's house was only ten minutes away and Frank practically jumped out of the car when they had parked in front of it. He needed alcohol _now_.

The guy apparently hadn't noticed Frank before because as soon as he got out of the car and turned and saw him, he just stared with that same expression as before - curiosity and worry mixed together. What the fuck did _he_ have to be curious and worried about?

"By the way, guys, this is my brother Gerard." Mikey patted the guy on the arm. "These are my friends from college: Ray and Frank."

Gerard nodded before sparing one last glance at Frank and then shuffling over to the front door. Frank stared after him until he had disappeared inside.

"The others aren't gonna be here until seven so we have a couple of hours." Mikey said as he led the way inside.

 _A_ _couple_ _of_ _hours_? So drinking wasn't an option yet?

Frank and Ray continued to follow Mikey until they reached the lounge. Mikey went in and so did Ray but Frank stopped, having noticed the door opposite that was slightly open with a couple of stairs showing. That was the basement then?

Gerard suddenly appeared, coming out of the door next to it; the sound of the toilet flushing behind him. He stopped and stared at Frank. This time he looked just plain confused. If he was expecting Frank to explain himself or something, that wasn't going to happen.

"Frank?" Was called from the lounge and Frank turned his head slightly at his name. When he looked back, Gerard had moved and was shutting the basement door behind him.

Frank went into the lounge, dumping his bag in the corner by one of the sofas and sitting down with a sigh.

Ray and Mikey were sat on the other one, under the window, and Mikey was surfing through the TV channels. Ray looked up at Frank's entrance. "You okay?"

Frank just let his head go back to rest against the back of the sofa. He nodded against it. The temptation to feign an illness or something was overwhelming.

"Frank, you wanna talk?"

Ray's question didn't quite register in Frank's head as he thought over his viable options for leaving. Although, suddenly, he stopped himself in his tracks. Surely, this was what he had wanted? He had the opportunity all night to go up to that guy and talk to him and try to figure shit out. Like, after realising it was him and besides feeling shocked and embarrassed, Frank couldn't ignore the fascination coursing through him and the feeling of almost pure want. So... The only conclusion to come to really was that he was _extremely_ attracted to this guy. This was what it felt like, huh? Well, shit.

"I'm fine." Frank sat up a bit more properly. He wasn't too sure how to go about any of this. The thought was daunting but also exciting and he didn't even know what he was going to do yet.

He didn't expect Ray to buy anything as usual but with Mikey sat there, Ray couldn't really say much so it just stayed silent. Mikey put a film on, one of the X-Men ones, and asked if they wanted anything from the kitchen. Frank was tempted to ask if he could start drinking early but he wasn't that much of an asshole.

Mikey disappeared out of the room in aid of refreshments and as soon as he had, Ray moved across the room to sit by Frank. "Please talk to me." Ray actually looked upset with worry and Frank felt bad. He hadn't meant to worry Ray at all.

He just sighed and let his head roll back again, staring up at the ceiling. How to even begin to talk about this... It wasn't like he couldn't trust Ray; on the contrary, he trusted Ray more than anybody. He wouldn't tease him.

"Just tell me what's on your mind. I might be able to help." Well that was pretty doubtful and Frank almost sniggered.

After a few long, silent seconds he whispered up to the ceiling, "I think I might be gay."

Silence took over the room again and he slowly turned his head to scrutinise Ray's reaction.

Ray was frowning slightly with his mouth partly open. After a second, he swallowed and said quietly, "You really think so?"

Frank nodded, returning his gaze to the ceiling. He knew Ray had no idea what to say. Maybe telling him had been a bad idea.

"There's nothing wrong with being gay, you know?" Ray suddenly came out with which made Frank look at him again. A small smile made its way onto Ray's face. "I know finding your identity is scary but it'll be fine, don't worry. I'm always here if you need to vent."

A smile spread across Frank's face as well and he wrapped his arms around Ray in a hug. "Thanks."

"No problem." Ray hugged him back. That hadn't been so bad at all.

As soon as they had pulled away again, Mikey came in with a big bottle of Coke and plastic glasses, placing them on the table.

"You want some help?" Ray got up and whatever Mikey said in reply didn't register in Frank's head. The two left the room and Frank thought over what had just happened.

He had just admitted out loud that he could be gay and it hadn't freaked him out or freaked _Ray_ out either. Now that he had said it, the more it felt right and shit... It was true, wasn't it?

Ray sat back next to him when a bunch of bags of crisps had been dumped onto the table. Mikey said his mum would cook pizza for them all later as well. The three of them silently watched The Last Stand for twenty minutes or so until they started talking about random crap.

Frank felt a bit more at ease so actually replied to the comments and made his own. He was feeling relaxed which was the opposite of how he thought he would feel after coming to terms with how he felt.

Still, he didn't want to make a conclusion yet. He wanted to finally talk to Mikey's brother to see if he actually _was_ interested in him. How to do that...

An hour after they had arrived, Frank asked Mikey where the toilets were. Mikey said they were just across the hallway and Frank left the room. He stood in front of the closed basement door and questioned himself. He couldn't just go down could he?

He had no jurisdiction down there and there was literally no excuse he could make. _Sorry,_ _I_ _thought_ _the_ _toilet_ _was_ _down_ _here_. Fucking hell.

Maybe he should wait until he was drunk because at least he could use that to his advantage, saying he was lost or something. Although, he could basically count on saying something stupid.

In the end, he scrapped the idea completely and just went to the toilet. He felt like going home.

The others arrived an hour later and they were all loud and were talking about which girls they should message when drunk and yes, Frank lost interest. He managed to leave the room without anyone noticing and went out the front door, shoving his jacket on.

It was getting colder now it was October and that Autumn feeling was in the air, along with Frank's birthday at the end of the month.

Frank leant against the side of the house and lit up a cigarette, very aware how much he needed one after everything that had happened so far and it wasn't even eight yet.

He silently smoked for about five or so minutes before the front door opened again. He glanced over in reaction and froze yet again, the fag halfway to his mouth.

Mikey's brother, Gerard, had come out for a smoke as well by the look of it. He looked at Frank before shutting the door behind him and leaning against the house on the other side of the door.

Frank watched as he shoved some of his dirty locks behind his ear and lit up silently. This was his stupid fucking chance to actually speak to the guy, come on.

Frank stood up properly and turned to face the guy, smoking more for some much needed courage. He could tell that Gerard was trying not to look at him from the way he was just facing straight forwards.

"Hi." Frank managed to say with only a bit of volume.

Gerard gave in and looked at him, his eyes questioning again. "Hi."

Silence. Fuck, what were you supposed to say in these sort of situations?

"I'm Frank. Um..." Fuck.

"Gerard." Gerard turned slightly to face him a bit more. He looked cautious but also intrigued which was a good sign.

Frank found himself moving closer. "I've seen you a couple times. Uh... Art college, right?" Man, he sounded like some creepy stalker.

Gerard nodded, apparently not thinking he did, "Second year."

"I'm in the sixth form."

"I know." Gerard surprised him by saying, "I've seen you with Mikey a couple times." He then seemed to regret what he had said because he dropped his gaze to his dirty chucks and took another drag.

All Frank could think was, _'fuck'_ , apparently. He moved even closer until he was almost right in front of him. Dangerous business.

"I'm confused." He found himself saying and Gerard looked up again.

"About what?" Gerard frowned, forgetting his awkwardness for a moment. He watched Frank carefully, his teeth playing on his bottom, chapped lip.

Frank stared at his teeth before saying, "I don't know. I mean... Surely you'd know, right?"

Gerard's eyebrows pulled together and before he could question him, Frank continued, "Well, like, not _you_. I just mean in general. Like, shouldn't your sexuality and gender identity be straight forward?"

A small smirk appeared on Gerard's face. "They should be but they aren't. I would know." He added quietly, taking another drag. He looked up to see Frank still staring at him. "Is that what you're confused about?"

"Well." Frank thought about how to explain this to a stranger. No backing down now. "I was fine like, not knowing. I was happy being nothing. Girls weren't interesting and I'd accepted that back in high school. I was just sort of waiting, you know?"

Gerard nodded like he understood and Frank continued.

"But then... I don't know. Like, this is gonna sound weird." He took his last drag and flicked the end away, psyching himself up.

In the back of his head, he remembered that he had literally just walked out of the room without anyone noticing. He wondered if anyone did notice eventually.

Gerard flicking the end of his cigarette away woke Frank up again and he looked up to see the other watching him silently.

"I saw you last week on the way to collage." Frank was spilling the fucking beans now, "And, I don't know, you interested me? I'm not sure how to explain it."

"Oh?" Gerard looked uncomfortable again and Frank felt bad but now he had started, he had to get the rest out.

"There's just..." Frank looked him up and down really obviously and Gerard wrapped his arms around himself awkwardly in response.

"There's just something about you. I have no fucking clue but..." Frank sighed. He was pretty sure none of this made any sense. "Look, I'm sorry. We just met, I... I'm gonna go back in."

He quickly turned and opened the front door, leaving Gerard outside and going into the lounge. The others actually looked up at his entrance.

"Where have you been?" Ray asked.

Frank shrugged off his jacket and sat back on the sofa. "Just for a smoke. Are we drinking or what?"

This was met with almost a cheer of agreement and Mikey nodded. "It's eight so I guess. Mum'll be home at half nine so don't act like twats when she checks on us."

The guys sat on the floor made a scramble for their bags and their booze. Mikey went out, probably to the kitchen, for his.

Frank just stared down at his lap and how fucking stupid he had acted outside. At least he hadn't let anything slip too much? He couldn't even tell if what he had said had made sense. It didn't feel like it had at the time.

He leant over the armrest to open his bag and pull out his eight pack of beer. He planned on drinking each can and getting as pissed as he could just to forget about this shit.

When he looked back up, he saw Gerard pass the door, going down into the basement. Awkward. Fuck.

Frank really did hate himself sometimes.

An hour later, he had gotten through two of his beers and the guys were beginning to get rowdy. Kerrang! was playing in the background and they were yelling about how the same songs and videos were always played. Which was true.

By the time Mikey's mum arrived, they were all sat on the floor, in front of the sofas, and watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

"Hello, Boys." She said from the doorway.

"Hi, mum." Mikey smiled and then asked, "Can we have pizza?"

The others murmured in agreement, drinking some more.

"Oh." Ray suddenly piped up next to Frank, "Frank can't eat pizza!"

They all looked at him and then at Frank, ready for an explanation of some sort. Frank eventually mumbled, "I'm lactose intolerant."

"Oh, you should have said!" Mikey's mum looked worried, "I would have gotten you something else."

Before Frank could say that he didn’t mind and that it wasn’t a big deal - the usual script - Mikey’s mum said, “Come with me into the kitchen and we’ll find something else for you.”

Frank looked to Mikey for guidance and Mikey nodded, looking back at the TV.

“Okay.” Frank felt awkward as fuck. He was getting flashbacks to every party he had ever been to where there was never anything he could eat. Why did everything nowadays have to be filled with fucking cheese or topped with meat? It was like no one had ever heard of vegetables.

“Come on then.” Mikey’s mum disappeared and they heard her call from the hallway, “Gerard, come up and have something to eat!”

Frank felt even _more_ awkward. He quickly downed his third beer and scrambled to his feet. He was feeling kinda tipsy but he hadn’t really eaten much since breakfast. He couldn’t eat any of the crisps Mikey had bought so he had just sat there while they had all eaten some. He wasn’t bothered, he was used to it. Although, food would be nice.

He went out into the hallway and guessed the remaining room on this floor was the kitchen and he guessed right. Mikey’s mum was taking the pizzas out of the freezer and placing them on the side. Frank stood awkwardly by the breakfast bar.

“What would you like?” She looked up and looked at him.

The amount of fucking times Frank had been in this situation before was almost painful.

“We have some sausages in the fridge, I think.” She frowned in thought.

Before she opened the fridge door to check, Frank said quickly, “I don’t eat meat.”

She looked at him and smiled again. “Ah, I see. Come over then and have a look what we have. That’s how Gerard will be feeding himself tonight.”

Frank shuffled across the room to where she was standing. She nodded towards the fridge and he was about to open it when something out of the corner of his eye made him stop. Gerard had entered the room and was leaning against the breakfast bar, watching him silently. Frank stared back and they just stood like that for about five seconds.

That was before his mum noticed him. “What do you want, Gerard?” She sighed slightly and turned back to the oven. “You really should have eaten earlier.”

“I was drawing.” Gerard mumbled, dropping his gaze from Frank to the floor.

“Not an excuse.” She began before looking at Frank again, “Look for something, Honey.”

Frank stood frozen in embarrassment and awkwardness. Gerard looked up to watch him again and he just stood there like a lemon.

“Is Mikes having pizza?” Gerard asked, standing up properly again to see what his mum was doing with the boxes.

“Yes, and Frank here can’t eat pizza so he’s finding something else.”

Frank could have done without the explanation from Gerard’s mum but it did make him feel a little better because it meant that he didn’t look like he was being a brat or something and rejecting the pizza. Like, who would reject pizza?

Gerard looked at Frank again and asked quietly, “Are you lactose intolerant?”

First guess correct? That was a little surprising. People usually just automatically assumed that he was weird for not being able to eat normal pizza. It wasn’t like he had a choice.

Frank nodded. “Yeah. Kinda sucks.”

Gerard was silent for a moment before saying, “Do you like noodles?”

The question confused Frank a little and he just frowned at him, wondering what he meant. Before he could question him, Gerard clarified by saying, “I could order us noodles.”

“With what money?” His mum interjected, popping two of the pizzas into the oven.

Gerard looked over to his mum and said, “I have twenty quid in my room leftover from work last week.”

This was worse than being told to find food in the kitchen. Frank didn’t want someone to spend their own money on food for him. “No, I’ll feel bad.”

“Why?” Gerard questioned, looking at him again. “You can’t eat pizza and that’s unfair so I’ll get you noodles. I can’t imagine not being able to eat pizza.” He smirked slightly and looked down to recollect himself.

Frank couldn’t help but smile a little as well. “But I don’t want you to spend your money on me.”

It was apparently too late anyway. Gerard shrugged and took out his phone, having decided that he was going ahead with his plan. “What do you want?”

Frank looked to Gerard’s mum who just rolled her eyes before turning back to the side. Looked like Frank was getting noodles.

He moved closer to Gerard to see what the options were and Gerard looked up, handing him his phone. “Menu’s on there.” He said quietly, his eyes roaming over Frank’s face.

Frank took the phone and looked at it, already feeling grateful for decent food. It still seemed odd, however, that Gerard was willing to go to this far to get Frank food. He'd never had someone order food for him before at a party; especially someone he'd only just met.

When he’d chosen something and added it to the order, he handed the phone back to Gerard. Their fingers grazed against each other’s and Frank almost dropped the fucking phone. He dropped his gaze to the floor immediately so it wasn’t obvious how pink his cheeks were going. Fuck his _life_.

“Okay.” Gerard said after a very long minute, “Should be an hour or so.”

Frank looked up and smiled an appreciative smile. “Thanks.”

Gerard smiled back. “It’s okay. Noodles are always a good idea.” He then turned to leave the room and Frank stumbled after him for some reason. He wanted to talk to him more.

Gerard turned to go back down to the basement but stopped when Frank said, “Can I see your artwork?” He wasn’t sure where it had come from but he suddenly really wanted to see some. Plus, it was an excuse to talk to him longer even if it was a bad one.

Frank could almost see the reluctance in Gerard’s expression as he said, “Why?”

“Just wanna.” Was all Frank could think to say and he mentally cursed himself.

Gerard just stared at him before nodding and muttering, “Um okay.” He opened the basement door and went down.

Frank just thought _’holy_ _shit’_ and followed him, shutting the door behind him. Screw Harry Potter.

For some reason, Frank hadn't realised that the basement was actually Gerard's bedroom and as soon as he got to the bottom of the stairs, he just looked around in awe.

The room was messy as fuck but that was to be expected with any teenage boy's bedroom. There was a desk against the back wall and Gerard was stood next to it awkwardly.

Frank went over and looked down at the sketches on the desk and then back up at Gerard. Gerard nodded so Frank sat down at the desk and began to look through them.

"Woah..." His eyes widened at the zombies and vampires in the college settings. One of the rooms really looked like the canteen in the sixth form and another looked like the smoking area. “These are so cool.”

There was a noise above him and Frank looked up to see Gerard biting his lip again. Fucking hell, he needed to stop.

Gerard’s eyes met his and for about the millionth time that evening, they silently stared at each other. That was until Gerard mumbled, “Now I’m confused.”

“Why?” Frank’s eyes widened and his palms felt sweaty. He knew he was done for. He knew what this all meant.

“You never finished what you were saying outside and I’ve been trying to work it out. I have no idea what you meant when you said there was something about me.” Gerard admitted quietly, a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks.

Frank was very aware how tense the atmosphere was and how much he just wanted to kiss this guy. It was stupid but he really wanted to. He hadn’t even drank that much yet.

“I meant…” He cleared his throat and stood up before continuing, the chair moving out slowly, “I’ve never been attracted to anyone in real life before so… It was a shock, you know?”

Gerard blinked a few times. “You find me attractive?”

All Frank could think to do was to nod, his eyes not leaving Gerard’s face.

He heard Gerard take a shaky breath in. “You’re um… hot… I…”

That was it. Frank practically lunged forward, his arms snaking around Gerard’s neck and his mouth meeting his. It was a little off centre at first but he managed to correct it more or less straight away.

Gerard made a surprised noise before actually kissing Frank back, which was better than a slap.

The kiss was a little sloppy with a bit too much teeth and tongue combo but Frank still put it down as a decent first kiss. They both pulled away to breathe after about thirty seconds and Frank suddenly started giggling, resting his head against Gerard’s chest.

“W-What?” Gerard was breathless and it sounded hot.

Lifting his head again, with a massive grin on his face, Frank said, “That was my first kiss.”

A look of almost pure horror spread across Gerard’s face; as if that had been a horrible first kiss in his opinion. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean-“

Frank cut him off with more laughter. “Idiot. _I_ kissed _you_.”

Gerard smiled a little. “Why?” Apparently, he was finding it hard to believe that Frank had the hots for him.

Frank rolled his eyes. “Because I like you and I’ve never liked someone before so…”

“You haven’t?” Gerard’s arms slowly moved around Frank’s waist and he must have thought he was doing it sneakily but Frank was very aware of every bit of movement. He almost felt like singing out loud, he felt so happy.

“I told you, I was confused. I’m not so much anymore though.” Frank decided and actually, it was true. This cleared up a _lot_.

“I can tell…” Gerard giggled slightly and fuck, that was cute. Hot _and_ cute? Fuck.

Frank couldn’t resist it then, he leaned back in - with a lot less eagerness than before - and pressed his lips against Gerard’s.

This kiss was slower and actually felt good compared to the ferocity of the last one. Frank smiled into it and moved even closer to the other. This felt so right and perfect and fuck, what had he been worrying about?

After a minute or so of just lazily kissing, Gerard pulled away slightly to whisper, “You should probably go back upstairs. I don’t wanna keep you from the others…”

“Not that they would notice.” Frank chased his mouth for more kisses and managed to land a couple before sighing and giving in. “You’re probably right. Why don’t you come up? I wanna get to know you.” He pulled away properly to assess Gerard’s expression.

Gerard was blushing and smiling and holy mother of fuck. “You really want me to?”

“Well, yeah.” Frank rolled his eyes because for fuck’s sake, it was obvious. “Mikey won’t mind, will he?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never really spoken to his friends before."

“Does that make me special?” Frank grinned, feeling slightly smug. That was right, Motherfuckers: Frank was fucking special. In more ways than one but enough of that.

Gerard smiled down and mumbled, “Of course.” _Cute_.

“Come on then.” Frank dropped his arms, moved out of Gerard’s grip and held out a hand.

Gerard just stared at him for a moment until he took it in his, lacing their fingers together. Frank got goosebumps. He’d never held someone’s hand romantically before. He was getting through a lot of firsts this evening.

He led Gerard across the room but Gerard held him back before he could go up the stairs. He looked back at him.

“Are you sure?” Gerard looked very nervous for some reason.

Frank nodded. “We can just sit and talk and drink beer and eat noodles.” He smiled and added, “I can tell we have a lot in common.”

Gerard’s face relaxed a little and a small smile met his lips. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I’m very sure.” Frank concluded with a grin and he took him up the stairs.


End file.
